Our Marriage is Great

Marriage Encounter helped us to find joy

By ROY and EILEEN HOVEN
Spruce View

That our marriage would be great was our focus as we exchanged vows in August 1962. We had so many hopes and dreams for our vocation of marriage: Roy the breadwinner and Eileen the homemaker.

We dreamed of the family we would have, of going to church, and of holidaying together.

We would talk for hours about these hopes and dreams after enjoying a candlelight supper. We enjoyed doing special things for each other and just listening to each other.

By 1971 we had four precious daughters. Our lives were getting busier and busier; we had less time to share and laugh with each other. We were active in our country church at Evergreen, our community at Spruce View, as well as with all the girls' activities.

It seemed there was not time for us anymore. Many evenings we would eat on the run passing each other in the doorway as we ran to yet another activity.

We both felt a real loneliness and emptiness in our marriage. But when we looked at other marriages we judged we were at least as good or better than most. We did go to church as a family and we did get in a one-week tenting holiday each year.

In 1977 a priest encouraged us to go on a Marriage Encounter weekend. Roy did not think we could improve our marriage, although Eileen liked the idea of a weekend away in a hotel.

Then in January 1978 our relatives and best friends registered us and told us we were going on a Marriage Encounter weekend and to make no judgments but do as the team requested us to do.

Profound effect

That private weekend had a profound effect on our thinking, our listening habits and how we had let the world take hold of our marriage.

We learned that the "world's plan" calls us to live individual lives, thinking of me first and seeking self-fulfillment. "God's plan" calls us to live in harmony, communicating and listening to each other and experiencing the deep joy of what God wants for us in our vocation of marriage.

We realized we did not need to be lonely and disillusioned, thinking that is all there is to our marriage.

The weekend challenged us to make a choice in the direction our marriage was going, if we truly wanted God's plan for our marriage. It was not easy changing the directions of our journey, but we were determined we wanted more for us, our family and our Church.

Power of listening

We had to choose the activities that drew us together and discard the ones that were drawing us apart. It really meant listening to each other, the girls, and God and letting each other know how special he or she is.

We made the decision to eat supper as a family: talking, listening and laughing. It was hard at first as the girls were not used to us listening to their school and activity stories. Sometimes after an hour or so it was time for homework and Dad and Mom ended up doing the dishes.

Our attitude toward Church changed from being a "duty" to being a "joy" as part of the family of God. We encouraged our girls to be more involved in Church, and Our Lady of Victory Camp was a place where we could be together as family.

Holidays were important to us so we did without and saved so we could holiday as a family together. What precious memories we have to share! Now, we have holidayed with our adult children and grandchildren and what a joy being together as family.

We are enjoying to the fullest our empty-nest and retirement. Witnessing our grandchildren's activities, visiting our Church family, dining in the sunroom and enjoying each other in our golden years, we continue to share our hopes and dreams in our marriage.

We feel so thankful that we have been graced with God's blessings for choosing God's plan for our marriage so many years ago.

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