Love your wife as Christ loves his Church

Men are called to give themselves totally to their wives - deacon

- WCR photo by Ramon Gonzalez Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers told Men of Integrity Conference delegates to love their wives as Christ loves his Church.

By RAMON GONZALEZ
WCR Staff Writer
St. Albert

Contrary to what the culture says, Catholic men are called to love their wives and their children as Christ loves his Church, says Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers.

When St. Paul calls on married couples to be subject to one another, he is not just recognizing the equality of men and women but is also calling on them to submit to each other’s missions. And what’s the mission of the man?

“To love his wife as Christ loves his Church,” Burke-Sivers told about 250 men and young boys at the Men of Integrity Conference Feb. 9.

“We are called to give ourselves totally to our wives as priests are called to give themselves to the Church.”

Catholic values

Burke-Sivers, the first black deacon in Portland, Ore., is a father of four and the founder and director of Aurem Cordis, a Christian evangelization and apologetics organization dedicated to the dissemination and promotion of Catholic values and principles.

He gave five talks at the Feb. 8-9 Men’s Conference at Holy Family Church. Catholic Family Ministries organized the conference.

In Burke-Sivers’ household there is no doubt who is in charge.

“If my wife came here today and you asked her who is the head of the household she would say, ‘He is because his job is to serve me and my children,’” Burke-Sivers told his audience.

“So go and wash your wife’s feet tonight so you remember your role.”

Vessels of new life

Children have a special relationship with their mothers because God ordained women as vessels of new life, Burke-Sivers said.

“Women are called to be the heart of love (and life) and the role of men is to serve them.”

When Eve ate the fruit from the Garden of Eden, God didn’t call Eve to account but Adam.

Why?

“Because men are called to take responsibility and he (Adam) did nothing to stop her.”

Any man can be a daddy but it takes a real man to be a father, Burke-Sivers told his audience.

“A man becomes a father by exercising responsibility.”

In addition to serving their families, fathers are responsible for ensuring that their families live in an environment of peace and harmony, the deacon said.

“We must (also) take some responsibility for our children’s education and prayer life.”

- WCR photo by Ramon Gonzalez Men and boys listened as Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers told them a man becomes a father by exercising responsibility.

When Burke-Sivers is praying and one his children enter the room he doesn’t kick them out but invites them to pray with him.

“Our job is to make them fall in love with Jesus Christ and they are going to learn to fall in love with Jesus Christ through you,” he said, noting that the majority of men who attend Church today do so because their fathers did.

Witness your faith

“The best gift we can give our children is to be living witness of our faith.”

But Burke-Sivers said if we want to teach children to live the Catholic faith, we must teach them the Beatitudes: to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and give water to the thirsty. Having children accompany their parents to feed the needy will make them appreciate what they have, the deacon pointed out.

“Man is justified by works and not by faith alone,” he said. “That means we have a faith that has to be lived. We need to make that connection to our children—that faith and works go together.”

The culture says men have to be strong, tough and never vulnerable. Burke-Sivers begs to differ.

“If we are to be real men we have to be able to share that gift of vulnerability as Jesus did on the cross,” he said. “That means we need to spend time in Eucharistic adoration on behalf of our wives and children because our job as husbands and fathers is to get them to heaven. That’s what we are called to do.”

Burke-Sivers also called on his audience to be a bit like St. Joseph, the husband of the Blessed Virgin Mary and foster-father of Jesus.

“His actions speak louder than his words.”

Seeing that Mary was carrying a baby that was not his, Joseph could have had Mary stoned to death.

“But he trusted God (and took care of the expectant Mary),” Burke-Sivers said. “Joseph recognized that his wife was the first monstrance (the receptacle in which the Body of Christ is held).”

That’s what women are.

“They are vessels who hold life,” Burke-Sivers said. “If we could see all women as monstrances, imagine what the culture would be like.”

In his presentation, Burke-Sivers also spoke against contraception and pornography, saying both turn women into sexual objects. Contraception, he said, drives a wedge between life and love. It’s the work of Satan who wants us to make pleasure become our God.

Choose not to act

“By using contraceptives you have turned you wife into an object; you don’t see your wife as an equal because pleasure has become your ultimate end,” he said, urging his audience to use Natural Family Planning (NFP) because “with NFP you simply choose not to act.”

Real men don’t treat their wives as objects, Burke-Sivers said. Women are the heart of love and life and that’s how men should treat them.

“It’s is only when we love our wives and children the way a priest loves the Church that we became men of integrity.”

Copyright © 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 -- Western Catholic Reporter