Last Updated: Friday - 09/24/2010
Week of October 8, 2007
Teens urged to avoid sex before marriage
Don't date unless you're considering marriage, couple says at youth rally
By RAMON GONZALEZ
"He said it was his job to drag me to heaven whether I like it or not."
- Peggy Zallas
Girls who use sex to attract and keep a boyfriend usually end up being used by boys without getting any real love back, said Peggy, noting 60 per cent of teenage couples that have sex break up within three months.
As a teen Peggy said she used sex to manipulate boys. But that didn't work on Chad, who refused her advances from the very beginning.
"He said I will not have sex with you until we are married," related Peggy. "He said it was his job to drag me to heaven whether I like it or not. He stuck to it and said no to (premarital) sex."
Peggy, a youth minister at Good Shepherd Parish, said she had a hard time wrapping her head around the fact she had to wait for sex until marriage, although she enjoyed not having the pressure to have sex. But Chad's stance led her to reevaluate her entire belief system - all that society had taught her about sex and the power of sex.
"And then one day I was sitting with Chad and I said to him, 'I realize that for the first time in my life I love somebody more than I love me,'" she said.
"For the first time in my life I was giving Chad more than I wanted from him. And I never had the opportunity to give myself in full to someone without giving my body."
Boys and girls need to take responsibility for each other when it comes to sex, Chad said. "If you know your girlfriend is weak, you have to stop her. That kind of manipulation is not right."
One day Peggy told him he was a "safe" boyfriend to be around and he took it as a compliment. "Be a man," he told his audience. "Look out for your gal."
How far is too far in sex? That's the wrong question to ask, Chad said. "When you start seeking pleasure for yourself at the expense of somebody else you have gone too far. When you start introducing lust into the relationship you have gone too far."
Chad spoke about pornography, calling it "the ultimate lie" because nothing about it is real. "The only thing pornography does is arouse feelings of lust within you. And when you have sex outside marriage you are lying to your body because your level of intimacy is not corresponding with your level of commitment."
"Be a man. "Look out for your gal."
- Chad Zallas
Stay away from pornography, Chad told the boys in the room. "You get addicted to it and (if you use it) you don't even recognize yourself after awhile. It's awful."
When you tell your friends you don't want to watch pornography they will tease you for awhile but then they will stop "because they know that you won't do it. Your friends will be okay with that."
Added Chad: "My recommendation, girls, if you have a guy who does a lot of pornography, dump him. Be dignified human beings."
Peggy recommended girls to see their boyfriends as the potential father of their children. "Now if you are with that guy - is that the kind of guy you want to be the dad of your kids. And if he is not, why are you with him?" she asked.
"When lust is connected with love, love gets distorted," Peggy said. "Love is choosing constantly to do better for others than for yourself. When you love, you put the needs of others above your own needs or desires."
Sexual feelings and desires do not equal love, added Chad. "Love is deeper. Your emotions go up and down but love is rock solid," he said. "Your emotions will tell you one thing but the truth will tell you something else. Don't put stock on your emotions. Be reasonable when it comes to sex."
Love is a choice, he continued. "Because I love family I have to make that choice every single day of my life to get out of bed and work for my family."
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