Answer a child's question with the truth – Fr. Peter Nygren

Fr. Peter Nygren

By RAMON GONZALEZ
WCR Staff Writer
Lac Ste. Anne

Where do babies come from? "They come from the love of God."

This is the kind of response small children should receive from their parents when they ask this perennial question, suggests Benedictine Father Peter Nygren.

Why? "Because when a six-year-old asks us where babies come from he is not asking for a lesson in biology; he is asking about the meaning of life."

Birds and bees

Speaking at the annual Catholic Family Life Conference June 30 Nygren said, "We have a major problem regarding the birds and the bees." So during a talk about the vocation of the family he gave a crash course on how to face the question.

Many of the nearly 2,000 people listening to his talk were parents with small children.

Small children ask the question because they see their mom with a baby. The general tendency is to expose them to the crude biological facts. That's what elementary schools do in Grades 4 and 5.

But apart from laughing a lot and getting totally embarrassed children "learn nothing" from these classes, said Nygren, who is rector of the Seminary of Christ the King at Mission's Westminster Abbey

"That stuff should never be taught in school, never, because they don't know what they are talking about."

Rather mom and dad should teach it at home, said the priest, who spoke on several hot button topics affecting family at the June 29-July 2 conference at Lac Ste. Anne.

When small kids ask where do babies come from they should be told they come from the love of God, Nygren said.

"Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit are love and from their own heart they created you," he suggested parents to tell their children.

"From their love, you were created."

The story changes

As children get older a more elaborate explanation may be needed, especially if they point to the fact mom came home with a flat stomach and a baby in her arms.

"Well, (then you tell them that) mom and dad's love for each other, which is also the gift of God, works with God's love," Nygren said. "And through the union of that love of me and dad you were created.

"So you are not only from God but you are also from mom and dad's love for each other. We are joined in God's love and that's how you got inside my stomach."

Children eight to 10 years of age ask even more pointed questions, such as how exactly did the baby get in there?

At this point parents must explain the certain way mom and dad express their love for each other in union with the love of God, the priest said.

"We lie very close together and the seed from your father passes over to me through the love of God.

"And through our expression of our love for each other and that union between our bodies, joined by the love of God, a new baby is created."

At about 11 and 12 they ask "but how did that seed get in there?" At that point children may also realize they were born before mom and dad got married.

"Do not let that child's knowledge of who they are, where they come from be cast into doubt because if you do you are going to scar that child for life," Nygren said.

"If your child says, 'But I saw a picture where I was at your wedding,' don't lie, don't make excuses and don't make a joke out of it.

"Tell your child, 'I made some mistakes before I got married and I am very sorry that I made those mistakes.

"But God, instead of punishing me, gave me a gift greater than I ever asked for or imagined. He gave me the gift of you.'

"The child must know that they come from the love of God. That's the truth. We (should not) get in the way of that love."

Copyright © 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 -- Western Catholic Reporter