Seekers for life's vocation find help from unique 'midwife'

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By LASHA MORNINGSTAR
WCR News Editor
Edmonton

Emotions flow from her heart as the woman says, "If only we had someone like you to help us in the beginning. Life was happening and we went with the flow. And a guy asked us to marry. And life was not ours anymore."

It's a common sentiment Margot Bilodeau hears from older people as they finally take time to search for their vocation.

A member of the secular institute of the Oblate Missionaries of Mary Immaculate since she was 18, Bilodeau's life centres on her work as a vocations counsellor.

It is Monday, two days after her first workshop for Discernment Day - Feb. 3 - and Bilodeau's brown eyes sparkle as she tells the story of the day-long spiritual journey taken by her students.

Twenty-five seekers from all walks of life gathered in St. Joseph's Basilica basement Saturday morning.

"I was marvelled they took a whole day from their busy lives," says Bilodeau. "That tells you the Lord is at work."

Bilodeau's part in this discernment search? Her answer is firm. "I am the midwife. I do not make the decision. I help. I prepare. I may give a push when they need it. But they make the decision."

To make an informed choice, an applicant must know what their new life would entail. Some don't. And that can be disastrous.

Example: A brilliant musician wanted to dedicate her life to God as a nun. But she thought all she would have to do is play music all day. When asked to help with tasks in the house, she rebelled and left.

"But she still had this great love for God," says Bilodeau. So they are examining how she can still "serve the Lord and others considering the gifts she has received."

Some participants in the discernment workshop are university students; others are older. Some have broken marriages, some are divorced, some widowed.

Penetrating questions

Bilodeau starts by asking them questions, extensive, penetrating questions - everything from the personalities of their parents, to relations with others, to their qualities, talents and weaknesses.

The seekers work in silence and prepare their reflections.

Bilodeau asks them these questions "to help them know themselves.

"Then they do the same sort of examination and reflection on their relationship with God, their prayer life, if they live according to Jesus' teachings."

The men and women are also directed to "look at their autonomy, their openness to others and other ways of thinking, if they had a positive or negative attitude, their feelings about things such as homosexuality."

Then comes the question, Have you ever felt God has asked you to do something for others?

"That's gently bringing in the question of commitment," explains Bilodeau.

This is followed by "Have you ever done something to correct an injustice?" which would bring in information to see if they could think of others.

Once that information is processed, the group examines the various options Bilodeau presents that are available to them to be of service to others and God.

"I went from everything from marriage, to consecrated secular life, to religious life, to contemplative life, to priestly life, to permanent deacon," says Bilodeau.

She compares herself to a triage doctor who assesses and then channels the spiritual seeker to the right "specialty."

"God is the one who is calling. I am just helping them to discern."

One man married when he was young. The marriage broke up and he was left with an eight-year-old son.

"I'd always wanted to be a priest, but there was no one to talk to," he tells Bilodeau.

"Then this nice girl came along and we married. But this wanting to be a priest keeps coming back to me."

Her advice is pragmatic, yet hopeful. Wait 10 years until his son is 18. Have his marriage annulled. And then apply at the seminary.

Another divorced woman is thinking seriously about religious life.

One in similar circumstances is thinking about the Oblates.

"I did not know a lay person could remain a lay person!" she exclaims to Bilodeau. Bilodeau understands. "She has her apartment. She has her life. She has her career."

Sisters are also at the workshop and they answer participants' questions such as "How do you pray?" "What is your schedule?" "What do you do?"

"So it demystifies what a sister is," says Bilodeau.

Not all paths come easily.

Bilodeau tells one story of meeting young men who did not meet seminary requirements because they could not preach.

"I took time, and listened, listened, listened and realized there was still a call from God.

"It became clear that they had a vocation to consecrated life."

With Bilodeau and the Holy Spirit's guidance, the men became brothers.

Lord is at work

"And they love it - brothers serving the sick, the homeless. And they are very happy.

"So this is very rewarding. I see the Lord at work in their lives. They found the meaning of their life, their raison d'etre."

One of the workshop women finds she is attracted to the contemplative life, maybe the Carmelites. So Bilodeau took her and another girl also wanting to examine the Carmelite path to the Carmelite Monastery Sunday. If that is where God wants them to be, Bilodeau will bow out and hand their spiritual care over to the Carmelite prioress.

An older man found himself drawn to the permanent diaconate and took information for that calling.

No one expects that by the end of the day participants will have discovered their vocation so they are given a list of resource people they can contact.

"But at least they will have the means and tools and that is what they wanted," says Bilodeau.

At the conclusion of the workshop, Bilodeau left the weary yet enthusiastic participants with this counsel.

"The main thing is to respond to the call of God and remember what Mother Teresa said.

"All that she did was something beautiful for God. And if you can do something beautiful for God, then you will find your vocation."

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