Sister traces path to peace

Women religious get tips for non-violent coexistence

- WCR photo by Ramon Gonzalez Sr. Anita Whitely listens to local sisters during a workshop on non-violence.

By RAMON GONZALEZ
WCR Staff Writer
Edmonton

If you have a conflict with somebody you should sit down with that person and try to work it out. That's easier said than done but Sister Anita Whitely says non-violence is the only way to a peaceful world.

Our peacefulness or lack of it has impact beyond us, she maintains. Similarly, world conflict has impact on family life and on our personal lives.

"In the United States we get rid of our problems by violence and so we have the death penalty, abortion, euthanasia and war," Whitely said in an interview. "We are in a society in which we are so imbued with violence that we take it on and don't even know it." Our language is violent and so are our attitudes.

"Fear makes us arm ourselves but to be non-violent we have to disarm," she said. "Our response to 9/11 was to arm ourselves."

Opportunity for dialogue

Whitely saw 9/11 as an opportunity for dialogue. "Violence against our country is unacceptable," she said. "But we should have sat down with people in our own country and ask why did this happen."

However, the U.S. squandered that opportunity and plunged the country into more violence, Whitely said. "We are so used to being a superpower we don't have the humility to do something different."

Whitely, a member of the Ursuline Sisters of Cleveland, led an interactive workshop on living non-violence in daily life for about 90 sisters from the Edmonton Archdiocese at Providence Renewal Centre May 12-13. The Council of Women Religious organized the event.

Using examples from Gandhi and Jesus, Whitely gave the sisters skills to address conflict and challenged them to "become conscious of the violence that surrounds them and to become consciously non-violent."

"Non-violence is not easy and it isn't just that is not easy because it's a violent world but because we are dealing with ourselves," the sister said.

Whitely then walked participants through a series of steps to resolve personal conflict. Participants did exercises in non-violent conflict resolution in pairs and in small groups.

Before you take action on a problem, think about the consequences of your actions. "Peace is the practice of mindfulness, the practice of being aware of our own thoughts, our actions and the consequences of our actions," Whitely said, quoting Gandhi.

Violence happens mostly because we make no effort to solve conflicts on time. If you have a problem with someone, try to set a date with that person to talk about the problem, Whitely recommended.

But don't try to talk to someone if you are angry. If that person is a non-morning person, don't schedule the conversation in the morning. "If you set up a meeting, you have to be prepared to listen to the other person's point of view."

Whitney also warned against using accusatory words or words that place blame.

"If I say to you 'I'm very angry about that,' your response is going to be very different than if I say, 'I'm so hurt.' But sometimes it takes anger; it takes energy to cover up our most delicate emotions. It is easier to say, 'I'm angry' than to say 'I'm hurt, I'm afraid.'" Another unhelpful statement that people use is, "I'm upset."

Name the feeling

Once we know how we feel about a situation, we have to name this feeling and then tame it, the sister said.

"To tame a feeling doesn't mean you walk away from it. It means you aim it. What you want to do is decide what to do with all the energy that emotions give us because emotions give us heat and they give us light and insight if we work through them."

As a way of example, Whitely asked her audience to think of families who have lost children to drunk drivers.

"Think of what they had to do with their emotions to get to the point where they created an organization called Mothers Against Drunk Drivers," she said. "Think of all what they did with their energy. Instead of letting it eat them up inside they aimed it and made a difference in the world. And I think that's what we are called to do."

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