Death is part of life's cycle

Reconciliation with God, people brings great joy, peace

By BILL GLEN
WCR Staff Writer
Edmonton

Healing a divided relationship, reconciling with God or planning your own funeral helps to ease the anxiety of death. Prepare yourself spiritually, suggests Father Mike McCaffery.

While the popular Edmonton priest admits most people, including him, fear dying, the final moment is a reason to celebrate life.

"Sometimes we regret we never told a person we loved him or her, or we were sorry we hurt them," said McCaffery, former chancellor of the Edmonton Archdiocese.

"People want to forgive others and they want forgiveness.

"The people who are left grieving or those dying for months often feel the need to make peace with those they struggled with. One of the most touching things in ministry is to see people reconcile after a long estrangement."

A coming home

Reconciling with God has often been described as "coming home," he said. "They feel like they have been away for a long time and now they are home with their family of faith. There is much peace."

Being with someone who is dying is a difficult and painful part of his ministry. McCaffery is never too sure what to say.

"One of the beautiful things of our faith tradition is the Sacrament of the Sick. I find I just administer the sacraments without saying too much of anything else because there are some beautiful prayers there," McCaffery said.

"Most people who receive the sacraments of the sick feel relieved because they feel guilty about their past. They feel the sacraments release them from that guilt. I think they feel peace and integrity - a bit of calm in the storm.

"I think it's true for many of us that it isn't death we fear, but the dying."

Youth vs death

Accepting death as a part of life is difficult for some because society encourages us to be in denial, says Father Mike Mireau.

"It's a problem because our culture glorifies youth. It hides aging and illness although it is part of our human experience," said Mireau, pastor of St. Michael Parish in Leduc.

"We need to expose ourselves to death and really live it. When someone dies, we need to live it and not be in denial. We need to feel it and not scurry around fearing our emotions."

Life is a celebration of a cycle, he said.

"Jesus has made the life cycle not end with death. He altered it through his own resurrection.

"We celebrate his resurrection with every funeral."

Mireau tells people who have lost someone that they can now be even closer to the person who has died than when he or she was alive.

He recalled a vigil where the eulogist began to break down. Mireau considered praying for him to give him the strength to continue.

"Then I realized I needed to pray for him to have the strength and courage to break down and be vulnerable. That is when people can help him."

If a person was told he was about to die, Mireau would just listen to what he had to say. He said offering any advice would be difficult until you encounter the situation yourself.

Father John Hesse agrees. The best thing he could do for someone who was told his or her life was about to end was to simply be present as a witness to the love of Jesus.

"Our two main enemies are sin and death. I think there is a certain amount of fear in everybody's heart," said Hesse, a recently retired pastor.

Faith in resurrection

"Our faith in Jesus reminds us he came for that very purpose to give us victory over sin and death. Love drives out all fear if we see the sufferings of the present are not worth the glory that is to come.

"Faith in resurrection and life after death is one of our greatest assets," he said.

Apart from addressing legal and financial issues, McCaffery has noticed a trend where people have begun to plan their funeral arrangements while in the prime of their lives. The intent is to provide themselves with peace of mind knowing there will eventually be a joyous event.

"While a lot of people I know still fear to acknowledge the moment, more and more people want to have a real celebration of their lives," McCaffery said. "People are planning the readings and the hymns for their own funerals earlier in their lives.

"This is also a way for them to prepare spiritually."

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