Vows speak the couple's promise

Couples can craft their own words, but most do not

By RAMON GONZALEZ
WCR Staff Writer
Edmonton

Those who are not content with using the purely traditional vows provided by the Church, have a choice - they can write the vow themselves.

But that's easier said than done because the writing of vows requires, at the very least, a good understanding of the Church's definition of marriage. Priests, who must review and approve vows written by couples, don't promote the practice but they don't discourage it either.

"It's not that common," said Father Paul Kavanagh, chair of the archdiocesan Liturgy Commission. Since his ordination two years ago, Kavanagh has had only one request for the writing of vows. The couple ended up using the vows provided by the Church rather than writing their own.

"In my 20 years of pastoral ministry, while I have made this option available to every couple that I have met, very few have accepted to exercise it," noted Father Roger Keeler, judicial vicar of the Alberta Regional (Marriage) Tribunal.

In rejecting this option, couples cite nervousness, the desire for the familiar, and a preference to keep their personal expressions of love and devotion a private matter, Keeler said.

Msgr. Frank Patsula, a professor of canon law at St. Joseph's Seminary, said the writing of vows is permitted provided they contain nothing contrary to the nature of marriage.

The vow must explicitly say that the other person is being accepted as a spouse, that they will be faithful to each other and that they will stick with each other until death do them part, he said.

"Their vows can be truly personal expressions of the couple's faith, their hope for their future, and their love for each other." - Fr. Roger Keeler

"Couples can't incorporate into the vows anything that is contrary to our understanding of marriage," Patsula said. "They can't say, 'I will marry you as long as our love lasts' because that's not forever.'" Marriage, the priest said, is a covenant that's permanent, indissoluble and exclusive.

A proper wedding vow, according to the Marriage Ritual published by the Canadian Bishops in 1979, "must express all that the Church normally expresses and contain nothing contrary to the Church's faith and practice."

"Thus the form is to indicate that the other person is being accepted as a husband or wife, that each will be faithful to the other, and the marriage is lifelong."

Couples must declare this separately to the other in the presence of the required witnesses and the community, the Marriage Ritual recommends. "The consent has to be unconditional: a proviso such as 'as long as love shall last' invalidates the expression of consent in the eyes of the Catholic Church."

The form, or vow, must be clear and concise, suggests the Marriage Ritual. "Florid, sentimental, wordy and confusing formulations should be avoided."

Keeler, the judicial vicar, says the Canadian bishops' directive on marriage permits a certain degree of flexibility, even creativity on the part of the couple and others involved in their Christian marriage. "It means that their vows can be truly personal expressions of the couple's faith, their hope for their future, and their love for each other."

Some don't see much value in vow writing, mainly because the traditional vows provided by the Church cover all corners.

"I don't think there is any advantage in (writing your own vows)," said Sister Annata Brockman, pastoral associate of St. Joseph's Basilica. "Most of the couples don't know sacramental theology (or) what essential elements should be in that vow. I have seen couples that have entered into their first argument over what should be in those vows and what should not be. And I believe the Church is wise (in providing ready-made vows)."

Rose Marie Fowler, director of the Liturgy Commission, agrees there is little advantage in writing one's own vows. "I don't see any advantage because the two possibilities (of exchanging consent) that are given in the Marriage Ritual already provide some flexibility," she said. "The essentials are already there."

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