Little moments and big meanings . . .

By MSGR. JIM LISANTE

Now, you might not think it would be particularly difficult to reach this deduction. But, in fact, I believe most of us operate on the premise that we can pretty much tell what's going on and what's what. As judges of human nature, we certainly know if what we do or say really matters. After all, how can we not know the difference between what is insignificant and what is important?

Except, of course, we frequently don't know. We take it for granted that if a word or gesture is small to us, then other people feel the same. Yet, many times a simple pat on the back or "thank you" or a smile make your day. On the other hand, a burst of impatience, anger or meanness from a loved one or a stranger can sour your disposition for hours.

So I thought I'd pass along a few of the many stories I've heard over the years that illustrate how a little thing isn't so little after all; how some event should have been totally inconsequential, but turned out to be life-changing.

• A volunteer mentor who helped troubled kids got a visit from a young man he had not seen in five years. The visitor reminded the man that he had helped him find a job: "You phoned the department store and you said you had a 'gentleman' in your office looking for a job. Frankly, I thought you were kidding. Me -- a gentleman? Nobody ever called me that before. I was always called a 'bum' or 'hey, you!' Anyway, it made me feel good! That day I vowed I'd try to become a gentleman."
• A 19-year-old had recently lost several people who were close to him, including his father and his best friend. One day, when he was feeling deeply despondent, he went to Mass, but sat off to the side and barely participated. He recalls that at the sign of peace when people traditionally acknowledge each other with a handshake or embrace, "Two elderly women hobbled over to my solitary corner on fragile legs. Their journey seemed to take forever, and yet their greeting was warm and caring. In the time it took them to arrive, I made the decision to rejoin the living."
• A woman with several children, including a new baby, felt both overwhelmed and discouraged until she got a note from another young mother which said: "Hi, friend. . . . Just wanted to tell you that I think of you often. Someday we'll have time to spend together like in the old days. . . . Keep plugging, I know you're a super mother." The recipient was so heartened that she started sending friendly notes to neighbours, teachers, store clerks -- anyone who could use a good word.

Since we can't always tell, the thing to do is make each of our basic, humdrum everyday interactions with people as worthwhile as possible. It could do some good for the other guy; it surely will for us.

(For a free copy of the Christopher News Note, Being a Good Neighbour, write: The Christophers, 12 East 48 St., New York, NY, 10017; or e-mail: mail@christophers.org.)

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