Last Updated:Saturday - 12/11/2010

Rosebud of faith finally opens

Childhood bargain with God evolves into true adoration

It was early evening. I was 14. The sun was setting on a beautiful summer day and God painted the vast Saskatchewan prairie sky with a stunning bouquet of colours.

I was overwhelmed. I was overjoyed. I stopped as I crossed a bridge and contemplated the beauty of that sunset, of life and of my creator.

Then I spoke with my God.

Without a doubt, I felt his invitation. He and I made a deal that night. I recall very clearly committing to him, promising I would follow his will for the rest of my life.

I said "Yes!"

Knowing I was all too human, I made a request of him as well. I asked that he - however difficult or painful it might be for me - do whatever it takes to keep me in his will, on a true path and in his light from that day forward.

Little did I know at that moment what that agreement might mean for my life. Little do I know what it might yet mean.

Since then, I've often wondered whether I should, or even could, honour my part of the bargain.

Many, many times since then I've even doubted God's existence, my faith in my Church, in myself, in the very goodness of humanity, even whether life truly is a gift to be embraced or a curse to be endured.

I've lost a lot in my first 31 years on this earth.

In fact, if I were to share the entire list here, it would simply sound like an invitation to a pity party - and that's not what this is about.

Suffice to say, I have been given many invitations (some gentle, others definitely not so) to "let go" of people, of expectations, of things, of all that I was holding on too tightly to. Many branches have been pruned and pruned and pruned again.

When will it all end, I wondered.

Then the Gardener took my mother home. It was sudden and unexpected. I was truly enraged. Though I have faith, let me tell you God got an earful that night.

What happened on that night a month ago changed my life. I know my life will never be the same again. For I was given an insight - a true gift.

You see, I once thought I was extra special because of that secret pact made between God and myself on that hot and beautiful summer evening so many years ago.

Now I know a different truth. In fact, I realize now how very ordinary I am. Each one of us is called to make a pact with our higher power. Like everybody else, I got the call.

I simply answered.

I still struggle. I get angry. I'm often selfish. I'm hurt and broken, special and beautiful, just like everybody else.

For me, it took losing "everything" to realize that I already had it all by surrendering to God's passion and peace and joy and love. Everything else ultimately leaves or dies or changes in a way we may never wish for.

At certain points in our lives, we really have no choice but to surrender to the fact we really control nothing - not any thing, situation, or any one person. Still, we need one another to understand God's truth and goodness.

Because I have now surrendered, I finally can see the brokenness and beauty in myself, in others and in life.

I feel such hope in each moment and in a tomorrow that holds endless peace and endless promise for each one of us if we simply say "Yes!"

This story is dedicated to the memory of my parents, Paul & Mary Brassard.

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